And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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