the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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