In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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