somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
