She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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