You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
