Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
