Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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