Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
