Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it because I queefed?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
