so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There are leaves in my underwear?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
