u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
