You really coming over, don't trick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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