i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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