if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
