i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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