remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sober January is a disaster.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
