dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
