I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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