The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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