All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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