This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if only i could text you this smell
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
