you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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