some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
