I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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