At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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