Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
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he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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