i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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