I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
