you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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