As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
