Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
