So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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