i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
