she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
