her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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