I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
