GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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