My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
