when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
