I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
