Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
