just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
