I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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