Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think your dad took our porno
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
