U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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