no, he came in my armpit
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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