he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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