there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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