yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
