There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
