He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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