once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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