I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.