I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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