I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.