I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
