96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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