FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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