I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize