Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
