Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
