I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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