yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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