went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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