You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
