you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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