If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
