We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You pole danced in your parka.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
