If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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