Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
