took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
